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Aubrey Plaza, if you ruled the world, what’s the first thing you would change? Free underwear! 

 

If you could give your 10-year-old self one piece of advice, what would it be?

Learn computers.

Invent Facebook.

Stop cutting your hair. Sorry, that’s three. 

 

If this were a to-do list, what’s the first thing that would be on it?

Put washer fluid in car. (But first, figure out what washer fluid is and where to get it.) 

 

If this were the last day of your life, what would you be doing?

Standing on the side of a highway in a giant bear costume, waving. 

 

If you could rid yourself of one deeply personal fear, what would it be?

Bananas.

 

If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?

Amelia Bedelia.

 

If, in your dreams, you could have created any one great work of art—a song, a painting, a movie, etc.—by another artist, what would it be?

The Bodyguard. I wish I had written that script, directed that movie, and birthed Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner to star in it.

 

If you could have any other talent, what would it be?

I wish I had Adele’s singing voice and Bieber’s body. 

 

If you could take back one sentence you’ve ever  spoken, what would it be?

“I’m more of a Charlotte kind of girl.” 

 

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

Lasers. 

 

If you had coined a single phrase of wisdom, what would it be?

Haste makes waste! 

 

If this interview was over, what would you be doing? 

Googling “washer fluid.” 

 

What About You? If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why? Submit your answer at spiritmag.com/if. Our favorite responses will be published in an upcoming issue of Spirit.

 

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